The Ultimate Valentine’s Gift — Happiness!

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“Dr. Goldstein; you aren’t going to sit there and tell me you believe in love, are you?”

I started nodding. slowly, trying to think quickly of what to say.  Soon to celebrate a quarter of a century–twenty five years, married to a guy I am actually crazier about now than I was the day I met him.

He showed up at my door at my basement apartment in Wichita, Kansas, with mismatched socks.  His trousers needed hemming, but I quickly decided back then that having him remove his trousers while I hemmed them was not an appropriate first date. She went on.  “I’ve had three marriages and they were all the same.  When the going got tough, he got going.” I told her “Now I know what you’ve got.  You’ve got what we used to call in Oklahoma ‘broken picker-outer syndrome.  Although some men are like what you say, plenty are not.  You just gotta pick the right ones.” Now she sat staring silently.  “They said you are the best psychopharmacologist here.  Maybe you got a pill for this?” I told her there was no pill for this one. I did, however, write the book on this one, I told her.  I did write “How to Locate and Marry your Lifetime Love,” which I did seminars about and as soon as I get settled my wonderful husband-also-webmaster will be able to make me and my writings available, as well as some kind of webinar or something..  Until then, I suggested something that made her roll her eyes heavenward. “There is always psychotherapy.  Chances are you are picking guys in a way that doesn’t work because of family patterns, maybe even something that happened in your childhood.  When you figure out what it is, you fix your picker-outer, and you can find love.” We are getting organized here. Studies done years ago, on (would you believe) Harvard men, before the middle of the 20th century, showed that the major determinant of life satisfaction is the person you choose as a life-partner, and the joy you can take in that relationship.  It has little to do with social status or money. Patients who see my husband drop me off at the clinic where I work or pick me up afterward are surprised, and sometimes say I am “lucky.” It took work to find him, and one of the best things I can ever do for the world is to teach other people my practical system to do just that. It takes work to keep a relationship fresh and alive; I will soon teach that, too. So on this Valentine’s day, I really do wish you love. If it is not yet the way you want love; never give up and never surrender. I will be on your side to help make it work.

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