Twinkies Away!


By now, I think most folks who care about snack foods have heard that Hostess Brands is folding.  This the “twinkie,” as we know it will go the way of all flesh, which is also the way of all cake, which is to say, gone.  I will admit that I have bought some Hostess Cakes for private consumption of late, mostly because the clinic I worked at in Redding was only a couple of doors from the Hostess Pastry Outlet.  I got some orange cupcakes, mostly because my parents did not feel any cupcakes were worth the trouble if they were not chocolate.  Whenever there are “rules,” real or postulated, people enjoy trying to break them.  There is something basal that has drawn people to Twinkies.  Since I was a tot in school, but I never gravitated toward them myself.  The flavor seemed too Aryan, somehow.  And there was something dairy in that cream-filled middle, which made them incompatible with the Jewish dietary laws that ruled my life back then.

Of course, I was pre-pubertal at the time.  Otherwise, I might have at least noticed that it was longer than it was wide, therefore at least reminiscent of that most delightful male appendage, and all the Freudian meaning that goes with it.  It has been the symbol to many of the decadence of food consumption.  This recipe made it to Good Morning America a few years ago.  People want to intensify the “sinful” nature of the Twinkie.  I think we are dealing with something called “euphoric memory.” People who remember enjoying the Twinkie when they were children yearn for that idyllic happiness.  If this is the best investment you can think of, then you are intelligently and creatively bereft.  You are clinging to the past for no intelligent reason.  I do not want to point you toward buying the Brooklyn Bridge, or investing in oceanfront property in Arizona. Look at the world around you and consider investing in people and causes you believe in. At least you will be able to look in the mirror and be proud of what you are doing.

LATE NEWS FLASH: A Mexican billionaire is rumored to buying the Hostess company.

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