The World Is Full Of Lonely Women

As I write this, a song is running through my head.

Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people*

Not surprisingly, of the people, of all ages, the overwhelming number of those who complain to me about loneliness are female. If and when the adolescents get past any and all of the awkwardness without contracting any life-threatening depressions, I really think most of them will be all right. I am a little more worried about those in their late thirties, maybe around forty, who tell me they are lonely.

They have generally had at least a couple of relationships, maybe even a marriage.  Their associations with males, sometimes disastrous and maybe even violent, are over.  Happily over, I should think, but they are not so sure.

The lonely women of this age are generally truly beautiful — maybe more beautiful, physically than I have ever been or might ever be.  Sometimes, they have devoted all of their lives to beauty, and are now on maintenance.  I have never met anyone in the same boat I am, who have been brains all of their lives and suddenly find that being physically attractive is something like the ice in your drink that rushes up and hits you in the teeth when you are expecting a rush of cool liquid.  It hits you and you got to deal with it.

“I am sorry to hear that you feel so lonely,” I say. “What would you have to do to stop feeling lonely?  Just do it.” They look at me confused, as if the answer is magically obvious and I have magically missed it.

In a way they are right. Few are those whose loneliness can be relieved by church friends or bingeing on rich ice creams in the middle of the night. Most of them have enjoyed a sexual relationship at some time during their lives and now they miss it. Sometimes, I think they just need masturbation lessons.  But there are several live links to that on the internet, and heaven knows they are NOT hard to find.

I think publicizing this one is what got Dr. Jocelyn Elders into trouble with when she was surgeon general.  So I do not want to go to that place, even if the women I am trying to connect with stare at me blankly. The only answer I ever got that made any sense at all is that “when you do that”, there are no surprises. How much is a surprise worth, I mean, if you take your precautions and all? Before I started seeking my beloved husband, so granted I was quite young, I made an internal decision that I would rather live my life alone than with a sub-optimal man.  I do not think many women make this kind of decision. I wish they did. There are some alternative approaches.  With appropriate precautions, not every man a woman spends time with has to be the love of her life.  This, of course, assumes that a woman can get rid of such a man if and when the right man shows up — which might be tough.

One need not be promiscuous, but many people go for long periods of times relying upon “friends with benefits.” (There are other names for this type of relationship, but I don’t see any need to use the expletive terms that we all know, anyway). I have known women who considered themselves “serviced” — their word, not mine — with twice a week visits, and told me they had no troubles finding men who enjoyed functioning on that level.

Women sometimes insist they are not “wired” in this way, so many men have been taught by their fathers about a double standard. Women are no less teachable. The photos or paintings on the front of romance novels are there to sell books.

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?*

* Eleanor Rigby

Lyrics and Music by John Lennon and Paul McCartney

© 1966 Copyright Northern Songs