Science And Reality

There is one thing I heard in medical school in France that, if anyone ever heard in America, well, they have long since forgotten it.

He was a little country doctor who came in from the country. He was one of the kind, he told us, that was the “backbone” of French medicine.

He taught us to keep the financial records of our (general) practices in a bound school-notebook. To enter each receipt for service on a separate line, and to cross out entries with a single line made horizontally with a ruler, leaving the original (erroneous) entry legible, so that we remained always above reproach.

(“Like Caesar’s wife,” thought I, “above reproach.”)

We were also committing ourselves to doing homework for the remainder of our lives on earth.

He told us that 80% of what we will have so dutifully memorized in medical school would be obsolete within five years.

During that time, we would have to have the major medical journals relevant to our practices sent to our homes, and learn and memorize their findings.

Our lifetime homework, the most onerous jobs of our practicing lives, would be figuring out how and when to adapt our practices to the relevant scientific findings.

These words burned in my soul.

They burn still, even though I can consult pretty much any worldwide journal online through the (American) National Library of Medicine.

My feelings about science are pretty close to worship. It is a way of seeking truth that I think can actually be effective. It seems to chip away at faith. To someone (like me) who searches (at least, who cares) the laws of physics seem to explain more and more, whereas leaps of faith slowly shrink their territory.  Then, I find an abomination of human thought and logic, like this article, purporting to advise the general public from “science” about dating.

First, I must differentiate between research in the physical or “hard” sciences and the “social” sciences.

Without materials or animal-or-human bodies, we are talking about studies that reflect a statistical analysis of the results of questionnaires.

It is possible to extrapolate to the probable validity of such stories. But, at least as far as I am concerned, it is close to impossible to tell if people tell the truth. The use of questionnaires?

I remember years ago reading a questionnaire study about male potency in maturity.

Does anyone actually think that any of the men who took that questionnaire told the truth?

Anyway, I think the review of dating science by someone from Business Insider is an abomination to common sense. So here goes.

1. Dating a lot does NOT mean dating better. If you keep choosing the people you date in the same way, you will probably get the same kind of person.

2. Showing you are having fun may take some acting if you find yourself with a drunken dirty talking potential rapist. My favorite line for leaving a date is, shaking hands and saying, “you will make a wonderful partner for a wonderful person who is not me.” Nobody loses face nor takes a blow in the self-esteem.

3. “Being communicative” is good advice. Compliments and empathy are good. But negatives appropriately give many people a feeling of instant adversality which may mean “run.”

4. The 70-30 rule may have a grain of truth. When I first wrote my workbook and seminar about “How to locate and marry your lifetime love,” successful ads hovered around 70% about the seeker and 30% about the intended. Since I struggled with a literature mostly written in Polish, I devoted much energy to this.

I should add that computer hookups seem to be more short and more volatile than print ads (which was we all we had in my day) , so be careful.

5. “Make anxiety work in your favor?” Gag me with a spoon. Most people use alcohol. This can mess things up royally as many cannot stop. Either study comedy (there are online free lessons) or try, at home before sleep on a night BEFORE the date, 100mg. of L-theanine ar home, on an empty stomach (available — cheap — at WalMart pharmacies).

6. “Don’t leave them hanging?” If they deserve it, there is NEVER and harm in calling them. The only reason not to call is if they deserve insulting. Then just keep moving.

7. “Meet for cocktails?” Again the alcohol. It is unnecessary and has ruined many good folks, and is unnecessary. Try L-theanine. Meeting for lunch, even on a weekend, means that there is initially no pressure to think about paying for dinner or going to bed. Don’t hurry up. Things always go better taking your sweet time and avoiding alcohol.

You are precious. Your time is valuable. Intelligence is underrated. Using yours can make life hurt less.

Ask me questions on this. I wrote the book, I wrote the seminar, and I will soon celebrate my 30th wedding anniversary.

I wrote a plan for myself and it worked.

I love him wildly. He keeps giving me positive surprises, and increasing proofs and manifestations of love.

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You are a nice person. Do you want to do something nice for somebody else?

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