I was at a Midwestern medical center, taking internal referrals. The referring physician was a medical doctor I had never heard of. Of course, there was no information about why a 70 year old grandmotherly woman with white hair and a surprisingly pleasant smile had been referred.
She told me she had headaches. She was very happy that she did not have one on that day. They were horrible and even an emergency room injection of narcotics did not do anything for them once they started. They were variable, sometimes brief and sometimes lasting a whole day. They could be on either side, or both, but most often cut a line from above one ear to above the other ear. They were getting worse and quickly.
One of the smartest things anyone ever told me (It was an ancient professor in France, who was so experienced he had to say smart things once in a while) was that if a patient could not be diagnosed, or did not make any sense, just spend more time with the patient and get more history. He said that very often patients knew exactly why they had the problems they had. Read more on Unconventional Cure — Leave The Headache Behind…
Filed under Diagnosis, relationships by on Aug 6th, 2010. Comment. 
I remember the time when the only person who ever held my hand was my mother of blessed memory, with my father of blessed memory as a rare substitute. I mean, if the four of us, both parents and my brother and I, went for a walk, my father would get the better behaved child, who was definitely me.
Mommie had told me quite clearly that I could not cross the street without holding a hand. We lived near an expressway, and cars went fast.
Many years later, when I brought my husband to the parental house to meet her, she was gratified that I did not have to navigate this treacherous place without the anchor of my hand, and that I never had. A tad overprotective, perhaps, but like a therapist colleague once said after meeting my family, better they are like this than like the ones who don’t give a damn. Read more on I STILL Wanna Hold Your Hand…
Filed under relationships by on Aug 4th, 2010. Comment.
“I see him every day at work and I am attracted to him, really a lot, like I want to be with him all the time.”
She was 25 and hot by most common ways of assessing such matters; with olive skin and dark eyes, well made-up and skirt a little on the short side. A smile sneaked gently onto her face as she talked about this guy.
Workplace Affair
She told me she was happily married, with a three year old at home, and a good husband, one of the husbands everyone else wished they had, and she did not want to screw that up. Her face got dreamy and she kept talking and I could only wonder about one thing.
Is this the best problem she could come up with?
I saw her in a clinic in a poor part of town, where nobody had jobs let alone husbands, and this was her problem. Read more on Hard To Keep An Affair At Work Only…
Filed under relationships by on Aug 1st, 2010. Comment.
Since my husband and I have been together for over 19 years, a rarity in this day, people often like to ask me about our “couplehood.”
It’s hard to miss if you are around us for any length of time at all. He still opens and holds doors for me and whenever we walk, it is always hand- in-hand. Oh — and we treat each other nicely and with respect. Those are all dead give-aways.
One question I get sometimes is when I first knew it was “real love.” I had always been cautious and protective about giving my heart away. After all, I had finished a year of psychotherapy training where most of my patients were women and nearly all of them were divorced women. I decided I was too sensitive for this divorce stuff. It sounded like something that would turn me inside out, render me basically non-functional, and leave me screaming for mercy. The only answer, to maintain a functional life, was to avoid it.
To choose a husband so perfect that the relationship would be “divorce proof” for sure by the time that I was actually involved in it. I used my reasoning skills and wrote the plan that worked. We were together for a good year before I decided that this was the one, and it is the rightest thing I have ever done. But with all the reasoning skills, I would be the last one to deny that there has to be an element of “chemistry.” There was and still is.
I do believe, however, that women are constantly duped by men who say or do things for the wrong reason. I can teach, to a certain extent, the things I did to eliminate such from consideration. But when I am asked when I first realized this man loved (and desired) me, I always say one of the things I often say that nobody believes. It is when his pupils dilated.
As the Rodgers & Hart song says, “If they ask me I could write a book,” and I suppose I am. Sorry, I couldn’t miss this one. I love Rosemary Clooney and Rogers and Hart. Read more on There Is An Actual “Love Light” In His Eyes…
Filed under relationships by on Jul 22nd, 2010. 1 Comment.
Parents and grandparents want their children and grandchildren to have better lives than they did. They have always wanted this, but they don’t seem able to get it anymore, as they have in the past. I am curious why they think mine is a life to model after. Some ask a few indirect questions after I get them medication. Recently one women walked in, said she wanted the same medications she had always had, and took notes on some very precise questions.
Girls do not wait, Especially in the poorer socioeconomic groups they still get married because they happen to be pregnant, and finish out their lives with people chosen as partners in the suboptimal manner.
What made me wait? First, I was married to my career and got the “wear no man’s collar” message from my mother. But I was before a revolution that gave women options of part time professionalism so that they could mix it with mommying. I saw people take longer to get where they were going than I did. I especially remember a colleague in the same residency program I was in, in psychiatry, who I cannot think about without visualizing tiny children on her arm. I do not think she was smarter or better because she strung out things part-time. I doubt she would have completed things at all had she not chosen that option. Her husband was a resident, too; finished before he (obviously) as he did things full time. They ended up on the same hospital staff. Somehow, I suppose justice was done. Read more on You Can’t Hurry Love…
Filed under relationships by on Jul 21st, 2010. Comment.
He was in his fifties and he wanted the same medications he had, except for one thing. He just could not manage to have sex with his live-in girlfriend. He never had. I was filling in at a clinic where I knew this was the only time I would see him.
There are a couple of strategies with prescription medications that sometimes work. A partial agonish to reverse a receptor; adding another antidepressant. I reluctantly told him about them, since a complex mental illness was being otherwise quite well managed. I mean, this man’s diagnosis was “schizo- affective disorder.” He had been really psychotic, hearing bad things and thinking they were real and running naked in the streets. As much as I think an interest in sex is healthy and part of normal living, I certainly did not want to risk having all of these horrible things happen to him again. Luckily, he told me the last thing in the world he wanted to think about was another drug. Even a little bit of another drug.
There are herbal solutions that actually work. I was thinking about some oriental herbs, which I certainly did not think were that expensive. But he assured me he had no disposable income at all. Maybe true, maybe not, but I always wonder at least a little bit when people tell me that they want something very badly, but then do not seem to find any money for it. I mean, he was a heavy smoker (over a pack a day) and I was certain insurance did not pay for that. I tried to approach this subject, and he became so angry at me I would have dived under the desk for protection if it had been physically possible. Read more on Men Just Want To Talk About Sex…
Filed under relationships by on Jun 16th, 2010. Comment.
His diagnosis was schizophrenia, but this man in his mid forties looked more sad than schizophrenic. I asked his story. He hadn’t had any of the symptoms of schizophrenia for years; as a matter of fact, he was doing fine; no voices, no symptoms, working as a peer counselor. But he was sad.
His white hair looked so distinguished; I would have guessed he was a businessman, not a schizophrenic. But the downcast eyes, the slow shuffle of his walk, told me that sadness had taken over his daily life. As for the white hair, he told me his hair had turned quickly, at the time of his loss; a story I had heard before. To me, this was more empirical evidence of the Mind-Body connection — emotions affect bodily functions in a large number of ways. Sometimes we know more about the biochemistry than others, but everything I learn amazes me.
Like many with his diagnosis, he had struggled with relationships. He thought he had won the game, for he found a woman about whom he cared greatly. Then, she died. Read more on Fighting Grief With Positive Activities…
Filed under relationships by on May 5th, 2010. Comment.
I was in line at Wal-Mart, sandwiched between two women. One was behind me in line. The other was the cashier ringing up my purchases.
“She is the best checker here. You are lucky to get her before she leaves,” said the woman behind me in line.
“This is my last week!” shouted the radiant young girl checking me out. “I’m getting married and I’m moving out of here and I will never have to work at Wal-Mart again!”
A lot of people have told me about a lot of reasons to get married. I have got to admit that not having the imagination to figure out how to spend your life other than working at Wal-Mart — well, let’s just say it did not impress me as a particularly good reason. Read more on Marriage Is Not A Wise Escape Plan…
Filed under relationships by on Apr 28th, 2010. Comment.